The Wrong Fucking House..................

This picture is pretty funny. I googled "redneck family party" and that's one of the pictures I found. My dads side isn't really redneck. More drunks then anything, but I just recently started going back around the family get togethers. I'm not going to lie, the only reason I was going is to try to find some loans. Not from them, but what I'm getting at, try to sell them a mortgage. Whatever, not important.

So on Saturday my cousin, the only one that I really talk to or like for that matter, invited me to a family party. It was at one of my fathers cousins house that I didn't know how to get to very well. It was about forty five minutes from my house up in the county. So I proceeded to get directions from him before I left. I got my directions and was on my way. I hadn't seen my grandmother on Christmas because that's how we roll so I had a little shit gift for her. I also grabbed a bottle of wine for the hosts.

I get near where I percieve to be the party that I'm supposed to be at. When my cousin gave me the directions, he said it's on the corner of Sunshine (the main street) and Baldwin. He told me just to look for the cars and park out front. I kept driving until I saw Baldwin and noticed tons of cars parked in the front yard of the corner of Baldwin and Sunshine. I called my cousin to see if he was there yet and make sure I was at the right spot. He told me he was inside just come in through the garage door. I parked my car and got out with gifts in hand. Walked up to the back yard and I saw some people standing on the back porch. I didn't recognize anyone but just figured it was part of Harold's family. The guy who married into my family. So I politely nodded my head to whoever was out there and went inside the house. I started to get a weird feeling about the whole thing. I didn't know ANY of these people. Surely by now I would see someone from the (insert my last name here) side. Not a one. I walked through the living room and into the kitchen. There was a bunch of teenage girls in the kitchen eating. So, ah, I didn't know any of them either. Said "Hello" and kept walking to where the basement door was open. I know, kitchen full of teenage girls, why did I leave, right? Just kidding...... Keep in mind I'm carrying these stupid wrapped presents and a gift bag with wine in it. I could hear people downstairs, which is normally where a bar would be and that's where I would find a family member, right? WRONG!!!!

Everyone in the basement looks up at me, keep in mind I have know idea who they are. I said "Hello" and turned around and went back up the steps. Headed back through the kitchen, through the dining room and out the porch door, not looking at one person. I got out on to the porch, people were still out there, and I started dialing my cousin. I said......

"Dude, where the fuck are you, I just walked through the whole house and didn't see you. I don't even think I have the right fucking house, but it's a family party."

He said "I'm in the kitchen. I didn't see you come through." then he starts busting out laughing. I was asking him if he was sure it was Baldwin, he asks someone and I can hear in the back round....."No it's in Baldwin Estates but the street is Bottomend." I WAS IN THE WRONG FUCKING HOUSE!!

My cousin told me Baldwin. He is laughing his ass off and then tell's everyone there what happened before I got there. So when I walk in everyone is laughing and clapping. I felt like such a dumbass. Then I had to tell the story a million fucking times. It was hilarious and it's never happened to me before but WTF. I wish I could have took pictures of the peoples faces. Everyone was watching me as I was walking around. The best part is, I didn't say anything like "sorry, wrong party", I just walked right the fuck back out of there as quick as I could. It rained the night before and I was parked on the front lawn like most of the people. When I was leaving I tore the grass up a little because I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. I wonder what they were all saying when I left? Plus, I can't believe not one person asked who the stranger was that was walking around the house......That's some funny shit right there............

The standing joke at the real party was "If we run out of beer we'll just go to the other party and say Stallion invited us".........

Fuckers..........